I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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