I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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