dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
