So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
