Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish you could order shots online.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i need some magic done to my vagina
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
