My liver just broke up with me...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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