I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
