I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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