life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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