Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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