I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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