I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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