I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Pappa wants mamma naked
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
