I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
