if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
