You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
