i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
