I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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