I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
