my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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