it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
