wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
my poor anus
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
