Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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