I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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