You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize