I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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