I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
