Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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