whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
