Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
