toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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