I puked a lego.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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