I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
