would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
