You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
