she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
