I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
