I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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