dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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