Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
