I seem to have left my pride at pride
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
