It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
