Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
