I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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