The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
