Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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