I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize