man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
