I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
