Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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