I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
last night I used snow as a chaser
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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