You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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