I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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