You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
