So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
