High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
