I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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