Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If I die, sorry about rent.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
