You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
