Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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