Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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