the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
