You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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