I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
