Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Rumble strips road head = magical
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
