He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
