I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize